The I Have Returned Yet Again Post

I have returned, yet again, to my blogging duties, peoples! I spent the summer months recovering from a long hospital stay to address a few lung and heart issues that sneaked up on me while I wasn’t paying attention.  Upon returning home after my second hospital stay of the summer, I was a total weak mess.  For the past several weeks, I worked with a wonderful physical therapist named Virginia who got me back on my feet and able to carry on with living my life as the curious, optimistic, and somewhat humble senior citizen that is me.

While I haven’t been posting new offerings while in recovery mode, I have been reading the work of my fellow bloggers.  Gosh diggity peoples, I have such massive respect for all your finely honed minds.  I am so grateful that I have such great stuff to read.  I look forward to Fridays when all the new posts appear.  I’ve become addicted to Austin, and Garfield Hugs, Princess Kick Ass; and I even read most of the Quartz posts.  There are a dozen others I read regularly, because they make me laugh and think about stuff I probably wouldn’t have thought about had it not been mentioned by one of you.

Now that I am sort of stabilized in the health and physical stamina departments, I’m going to resume giving in to my blogging urges.  The blog will go on, assuming, of course, that I don’t drop kick this laptop across the living room for constantly adjusting the print size while I am typing.  It’s a darn irksome quirk of this particular machine.

Seniors strolling on a sunny beach located somewhere on this fine planet of ours. Thanks to Printerest for this imiage.

Seniors strolling on a sunny beach located somewhere on this fine planet of ours. Thanks to Printerest for providing this most excellent image.

Posted in ageing, family, health, Humor, making life work in your favor | Tagged | 2 Comments

The Woman Down Post

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I am back to tending to my blog, peoples. I spent a week or three in hospital exploring the world of the average senior citizen patient. I believe I was spectacular at that job. I have many a giddy tale to relate to you all about my hospital stay. Humor and human silliness continues to occur, even when you are a hospitalized sickie.

I wasn’t planning on going to the hospital, mind you. It just sort of happened. I created a most excellent physician freak out moment at the health clinic. It took three different oxygen monitors before the doctor could get a resting oxygen reading that proved I had not morphed into a zombie during my time in the patient waiting area. I was merely and severely oxygen deprived. One of the clinic’s heart doctors was summoned to declare that my lung and heart health was in icky shape and required attention by experts. Then the paramedics were called to tote me away. It was thanks to my great good luck that what sent me to an ICU unit happened during a regularly scheduled doctor office appointment.

I caused quite a minor ruckus at the clinic, peoples! It was sort of a humbling experience to live through; and, I believe that I am mostly over the humiliation of it all. I’m beginning to note the humorous details of those moments when I got carted away by paramedics, strapped into a gurney with loud and squeaky wheels, rolled past all the folks in the clinic’s waiting room, shoved into an ambulance and checked into a hospital. I was in hospital two weeks. A strong sense of humor is probably what got me through the hospital ordeal. That and the excellent patient care I received from the medical professionals who patched me up and sent me home.

I probably will dither away about this wretched health condition of mine every once in a while whilst blogging. I haven’t totally dealt with how it impacts the rest of my life. I’m still dealing with a few new physical limitations and working on incorporating some necessary diet changes into my lifestyle. If anything interesting or so fabulously funny about my current situation occurs,  you can be sure I will share it with you all.

Posted in ageing, family, health, Humor, making life work in your favor, Rants | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

The Vera Wang Post

glass caseI lost my Vera Wangs and I haven’t been able to locate them. This is not a good thing, peoples. Brand new eye glasses that went missing. Brilliantly stylish eyewear, with prescription lenses that allowed me to see things that were far away so clearly that I could almost read all the minute verbiage they tack on at the end of all those prescription drug television ads. The Vera Wangs came with a fashionably floral zippered case to store them in when they weren’t in use.

thG22DUOR4Wearing my Vera Wangs provided me with super heroine vision. I was Rennie the two-eyed Champion of Extremely Clear Eyesight! I was an awesome heroine. I could read stuff from twenty paces away faster than a snail with bifocals. It made our senior citizen kitties proud to know that when necessary, I was available to read any blurb presented in televised commercials that might be of interest to them. From cat food to kitty litter, I could recite the fine print out loud to them so that they could make appropriate consumer decisions.

My sidekick, Mr. Dave, the Extremely Patient, was delighted that my Vera Wang’s provided me with super heroine eyesight. Before the Vera Wangs, Mr. Dave had to slowly scroll through the zillion channel television menu and recite to me the little blurb that provided an explanation of what the program was about. This was a most tiresome task that challenged Mr. Dave’s sanity and, at times, made him grumpy.

So, how in the world did I misplace my Vera Wangs? What caused them to drop out of sight? Where did they go? If I knew this information, I would have been able to find them by now.

Mr. Dave has searched all the regular places where I generally lose my eyeglasses. Under my Lazy Boy, under the bed, bathroom counter, space between the recliners, kitchen counters, floors. You name the location, Mr. Dave has searched it.

bluglassMr. Dave is used to recovering my missing eyewear. My old glasses often played hide and seek with us. They never hid out for longer than a few minutes, however. They probably didn’t enjoy being lost. They were always quickly found in perfectly obvious locations.

I believe that the missing Vera Wangs are, possibly, quite proud of all the chaos and disruptive discussions they have caused the senior citizen kitties to overhear. I don’t believe they are planning on being of any worthwhile assistance in their recovery.  Wherever they are, at present, they intend to remain there.

“Why in the heck don’t you just put them in the case that came with them when you take them off?” grumbled Mr. Dave after moving endless furniture to see if the Vera Wangs had slipped underneath.

“I only take them off when I work on the computer,” I grumbled back. “I only used them to watch television and see far away stuff. The bifocal part irritates me, so, I just take them off when I am reading or typing or cooking.”

A discussion of where in the house I have been while wearing my Vera Wangs has occurred well over  several times. It’s never a pleasant chat. I get reminded of other occasions when I misplaced my old eyeglasses; and Mr. Dave, superhero wannabe, located them when I could not.

wizowlAlthough I am thankful for Mr. Dave’s awesomeness, I am only human, excepting for those times I am a super heroine, of course. I didn’t intentionally cast them aside or sell them to gypsies or put them in a mason jar and bury them in the backyard. Sometimes, things go missing, and it is pointless to endlessly discuss why they did or who is at fault. As a two-eyed Champion of now Slightly Less Than Clear Eyesight, yet still a pretty fab heroine, I take full responsibility for my failure to remember where I put the wretched Vera Wangs!

So, peeps, I am forced by unfortunate circumstances to return to wearing my backup glasses until the Vera Wangs make a reappearance. The glasses with the old prescription and the lens that occasionally pops out of the frame. They work ok for the stuff I use them for. I still have that fashionable Vera Wang eyeglass case where I should put my backup eye glasses when they are not on my nose. I keep forgetting to use it, of course. I’m only human after all, except for the times when I am a super heroine.

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Posted in glasses, Humor, Miscellaneous | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

The Interesting Undies Post

I am constantly encouraged by my fellow humans who use their brainpower to make the world a better place. Making the world a better place is a good thing. It’s an effort that is positive; and, it generates a bunch of good karma for the do gooder as well as providing merchandise that addresses a need that needed addressing.

I discovered this most intriguing of under garment while cruising the Internet looking for something else. I sort of laughed hysterically at my first encounter with this type of product only because my senior citizen brain was unprepared, and it got broadsided by new knowledge that it didn’t know about before today. OK, that’s a fib. I laughed because I have a juvenile sense of humor that I should be ashamed of, only I’m not.

What is it that I never knew existed until fifteen minutes ago?  Peoples, I present to you underwear for the flatulent consumer!

Yep, anti-fart panties.  This is what they look like:

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They were invented to address a real honest to God issue some folks were experiencing that was causing those folks to live a less than perfect life. This product is said to have greatly improved the social and home lives of our fellow humans who suffer from conditions that cause their bodies to uhmm….well, emit super noxious  gasses on an overly frequent basis.

Here is an explanation of how these panties work courtesy of the Under-Ease brand of anti-fart panties:

…underwear for protection against bad human gas (malodorous flatus) and are made from a soft air-tight fabric (polyurethane-coated nylon). To maintain the air-tightness, elastic is sewn into the material around the waist and both legs.

A triangular “exit hole” for the flatus to be expelled is cut from the back of the air-tight underwear, near the bottom. This “exit hole” is covered with a “pocket” made of ordinary porous fabric sewn over the “exit hole”. This unique design forces all expelled gas (flatus) out through the “pocket”.

Inside the “pocket” is a high-functioning, replaceable filter – the core of the technology. This multi-layered filter is made in a sandwich-style, and begins with the two outer layers of wool felt. The second two layers are made of non-woven polypropylene and spun glass materials. In the center of the filter is a single layer of activated carbon.The filter is then covered with soft ordinary material to allow for easy replacement in or out of the pocket.

The underwear are washable and will last approximately a year depending on the frequency of use and laundering. Each filter will last from several weeks to several months depending on the frequency of use and laundering..

So, now you know what I know about this sort of undergarment and how it operates.  I believe we all appreciate the efforts that inventors and innovators make just so us consumers have stuff we can purchase that makes life on our lovely planet a more pleasant experience.

Posted in Feed your mind, Humor, Interesting Folks, Miscellaneous, Online Store, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Ants are Back Post

th5SBDWCQIOnce upon a time; perhaps,  a few hundred eons ago, I was an ant.  Yep, the bug kind.

Back when I was an ant, I probably was residing somewhere in France. I think that being an ant in France would have been a sort of romantic existence. I’m thinking sunny summer days, fields of giant sunflowers with their enormous golden-yellow blooms bobbing in a gentle Parisian breeze. Lots of fancy human fodder to bring home to the colony in the form of baguette crumbs, smelly cheese bits, and red wine dribbles.

Perhaps, I was some kind of fierce, pissy-tempered Amazon warrior ant living in South America.  Along with my warrior ant buddies, I would swarm through the rain forest kicking bug butt and freaking out the regional natives. Mr. Dave thinks that it is more likely I was this sort of ant.

thNEEQ0MNVIn all my incarnations as an ant, I was probably one of the embittered, duty bound ones. I hatched and was put on a work detail immediately thereafter. Probably, I spent the rest of my antly lifespan toting stuff, taking orders from dullard, higher ranking ants with no vision of what could be, and wondering how come I wasn’t the queen ant. I’m sure I would have made some pretty good executive ant decisions if I had been given a chance at being a Royal.

This is why in my present incarnation as a grumpy human senior citizen, I have very little tolerance for any sort of ant that comes inside my house.

Yeth (2)p, I believe that I was once an embittered ant and that I never got over the unfairness of my situation. Rather than “ohhh” and “ahhh” over the dedicated work ethic being portrayed by the little rat bastards presently crawling across our kitchen counter in search of something edible to bring back to the colony, I do everything I can to destroy their confidence in their superiors.

Mr. Dave appreciates my dedication to ant destruction. He even listens patiently to my nonstop anti-ant rantings, and almost always doesn’t roll his eyes as I describe my next plan to drive them away.

As regular readers of my ramblings will attest to, I have carried out this ongoing war with the ants of Oregon for many years. Each spring, they keep returning to the inside of my house. I spend a couple of weeks warring with them, and then they go away. I declare myself the victor, pat myself on the back for a job well done, and then enjoy the rest of the year ant free.

I expect that the mild winter weather as well as an early warm spring seems to have increased their numbers significantly. Maybe, they look forward to coming back just to irk me.

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If I was one of them, I would like to think that by now I would have questioned my leader ants about the wisdom of sending us worker ants into the mean ladies’ kitchen. I expect the conversation would have been sort of like this:

“I don’t want to go into her kitchen, she will kill us all!” I would have tearfully protested to my ant superiors.

“Why would she want to kill you? You guys on the front lines are a sterling example of what an outstanding work ethic looks like. I am sure she appreciates your team spirit and dedication to our colony,” my supervisory ant would reply.

“No ways,” I would retort.   “I’ve heard about her from veteran ants. You know who I’m talking about. All those guys from last year who came staggering back home with major post traumatic stress issues and a  zillion horror stories about us worker ants being smacked, squished, and wiped away by cold soggy Lysol scented sponges. She laid some major chemical damage on us front line guys towards the end. She’s crazy brutal!”

“Your job is to go where I tell you to go and bring edible stuff back to feed the colony,” tuts my superior.

“I don’t wanna go!”

“You will go and you will forage.  It is your destiny.  Besides, you’re just a worker ant.  No one here cares what you think.”

Yep, I was probably once an ant……

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Posted in Ants, Critters, Humor, Miscellaneous, Rants, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

The Demise of A Beloved Electronic Appliance Post

Sourdough English Muffins
Baking Sourdough English muffins on the griddle/grill

My beloved Wolfgang Puck griddle/grill is no more. I wore it out, peoples. It was used almost daily for years and years, and then it just quit working. That’s the way it goes with certain kitchen appliances. You bond with them, frequently express your appreciation for their thoughtful design and usefulness, come to depend on them to elevate your cooking to new levels of deliciousness; and then, when you are totally fanatically, obsessed and dependent upon them, they quit working.

a3ab0-pounded_chick_doneI didn’t take the demise of my griddle/grill as well as I might have. I had to go through a sort of kitchen gadget grief process.  At first I couldn’t accept that it was broken. I plugged it into every socket in the kitchen trying to get it to heat up. I fiddled with the temperature gauge. I put my hand on the griddle trying to feel the heat, but the griddle side was stone cold. Same thing with the grill side. So very cold, so very useless, so very, very obviously beyond rescue. Even pounding on the griddle grill part and shaking the thing violently could not resuscitate it. It was totally used up and beyond recovery.

Mr. Dave cheerfully carted it off to the garbage bin. To Mr. Dave it was just a broken electronic gadget that had been useful in its day, but was now not useful. Get rid of the broken one and get a new one was Mr. Dave’s response to the death of my beloved small electronic kitchen appliance.

8feba-steak3Quite more easily said than done, Mr. Dave! I searched for an exact replica of my Wolfgang Puck griddle/grill. They don’t produce that exact style of griddle/grill any longer. I located a similar version of it on Amazon; however, I am wary of this new configuration of the original.   What if the creators of this present version of griddle/grills decided to increase their profits by using substandard materials? What if it doesn’t heat evenly throughout the griddle/grill part? What if it doesn’t work as well as my old one did? Do I want to spend money that could be used for other stuff on a potentially inferior replacement?

I attempted to discuss the merits of replacing the griddle/grill with Mr. Dave while we were watching the television game show, Jeopardy. Mr. Dave likes Jeopardy, especially when the subjects are history, geography, and sporty stuff. He usually knows all the answers, which always surprises me. The mind of Mr. Dave is an uncharted labyrinth of infrequently needed data gathered over a lifetime of just being a guy. How else can I explain that the man is able to recall the name of nearly every general of the U.S. Civil War and what battles they fought and who also knows the names of all the world’s major mountain chains, rivers, obscure countries, and waterfalls?

Anyways, I was thoughtfully burbling away about the pros and cons of replacing our griddle/grill when Mr. Dave snapped. Apparently, Mr. Dave was having difficulty hearing the host of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek, over my wifely prattle.

“Oh for cripes sake,” grumbled Mr. Dave as he leaned towards the television trying to hear the discussion between Alex and player number two. “If you want another one just get it!”

“That’s what I’m trying to decide about,” I replied, ignoring Mr. Dave’s tense body language which probably indicated to anyone but myself that he would rather compete in a  to-the-death wrestling match with an insanely pissed off, one-eyed alligator named Buddy Bob than discuss griddle/grill issues with me.

“I want to know what you think about it,” I said.

“I don’t think about it,” replied Mr. Dave.

“Well, I’m thinking about it,” I said.

“Think silently,” suggested Mr. Dave.

“So, you have no opinion?” I asked.

“WHAT IS MOUNT FUJI?” Mr. Dave shouted, addressing the television screen.

“Correct for two hundred dollars,” said Alex Trebek.

“Are you even hearing me?” I asked in a miffed tone.

“WHO IS GERALD FORD?” Mr. Dave exclaimed, clearly demonstrating, to my wifely dissatisfaction, that he wasn’t.

“Correct!” replied an enthused Alex Trebek.

“HAH!” Mr. Dave exclaimed. “I’M ON A ROLL!”

“I hate Jeopardy,” I muttered, shooting a malevolent glare at Alex Trebek.

“Huh?” said Mr. Dave, turning towards me with a confused look on his face.

“Never mind,” I sighed, “we’ll talk about it later.”

 

Posted in Cooking, Food, Good Byes, Humor, Miscellaneous, Rants, Uncategorized, Utensils | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Dancember Results

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I wanted to update you all on the results of YouTube vloggers, Benji and Judy Travis’s, Dancember charity event.  I am so jazzed about this charity.  I am even more jazzed that this is a great example of how average folks like ourselves can come together and affect change in this world of ours.

For the year, 2014, the Dancember goal was to raise $100,000 (US dollars) to be donated to Rescue Freedom.  A majority of the cash donations to Rescue Freedom came from folks all over the planet who enjoy watching Benji and Judy’s  family vlogs which are posted daily on YouTube.

An anonymous benefactor offered to match the Dancember $100,000 goal if it was met.

The Travis Family

The Travis Family

During a 24-hour YouTube Dancember event, viewers worldwide stopped by to watch the fun and donate to the cause. The Dancember event gathered well over enough  cash donations from viewers to meet that $100,000 goal.

Earlier this year, Benji presented a check  to Rescue Freedom for $100,000 from It’s Judy’s Life viewers as well as a matching check from the anonymous contributor for that same figure.  $2oo,000 in total.

 

The donated monies in excess of the $100,000 are being presented to other local charities in the Seattle Washington, USA area.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment