OK, peoples, I’m a qualified senior citizen not only based on my continued presence in the over sixty age bracket, but also upon all that wisdom I’m supposed to have gathered from living an average sort of life…..
I’ve been on the planet a long time, peeps. I plan on remaining here whilst continuing my soul’s journey towards ghostdom with a stout heart, as sound a mind as I can maintain, and an educated respect for all things, living and not, that occupy our planet……
So, what kind of a hip, wise old gal such as myself would think that watching an entire day of horror movies alone in the dark with a bunch of scaredy cat cats was a good idea? It was not a good idea, peoples . It was stupid, stupid, stupid. I almost scared myself to death……..
Picture this in your mind, peoples: A deeply dark, shadowy, living room. Walker, Carl, and Harland curled up on my lap while the lovely Ms. Pollyanna lounged comfortably on the headrest of my Lazyboy. We are all involved in watching a parade of standard horror movies in honor of Halloween and all things spooky……….
Freaked out my sister every time. Her reaction to our attempts to scare her into a puddle of older sister ooze sometimes led to parental involvement in the form of a firm scolding and a request that we please cease trying to scare each other to death……
Next on the list was Frankenstein. The original Frankenstein. The one that was black and white and starred Boris Karloff as “the monster”……
Anyways, once we were done with the traditional, epic movies, we watched The Bride of Chucky. This film is the second or third installment of a series of Chuckie the killer doll films.
Chuckie is a serial murdering human who escaped death in the first Chuckie movie by voodooing his soul into a doll. The doll looks like what one of the Cabbage Patch Kids might look like after a loosing fight with a psychotic pitt bull. The doll goes on a murderous rampage in every Chucky film. Stupid humans provide the fodder for Chuck’s uncontrollable rage kills. I’ve got to admit that I sort of rooted for Chucky during parts of this film.
I also fell asleep before the film ended and had a nightmare where I was being chased down a dark alley by my childhood nemesis, Howdy Doody. At this moment it time, I require a walker to assist me in getting around, so you can just visualize how one sided the chase was going….
Heart beating frantically, I was nearly hyperventilating with terror. I frigging despise Howdy Doody. I was not gonna let him catch me! It seemed pretty obvious, however, that I was going to get caught this time. The walker was pretty much a dead giveaway that I was probably not going to successfully out run that psycho-assed puppet of doom…….
That’s when the blue doorway appeared. It was right in front of me. I could hear Howdy Doody’s gnashing, razor sharp steel teeth clanking just inches from my butt. I could feel his hot, putrid smelling, peanut butter scented breath puffing way too close to the back of my neck as he attempted to chomp me…..
“SCREW YOU, HOWDY DOODY, you’re not gonna catch me,” I shrieked……” I grabbed hold of the door nob and yanked open that blue door……
Upon opening the blue door, a bright beam of light blinded me for a second. Then I saw him….
Chucky, the serial killer voodoo doll, with a butcher knife raised and ready to inflict major bodily harm upon my person. I won’t lie, peoples, that scared me a lot. But what sent me over the edge and nearly brought on that heart attack I’m trying to avoid was how Chucky was dressed. He was totally dressed like Howdy Doody, including Howdy’s red bandanna. It was then that I screamed for real…..
Cats flew off of my lap from every angle. One or two of them hissed in panic and Pollyanna fell off the back of the Lazyboy with a substantial “thump.” My heart was racing, I was sweating, I was near tears. I was a mess! Wait, I was home! Inside my own house! Still seated in the Lazyboy. I even touched the armrests to make certain I was where I thought I was.
Surrounding me, in various stages of huffy indignation were four elderly cats. They all appeared to be more than slightly upset at how they ended up on the floor. They glared at me when I tried to apologize and explain the reason I screeched like a banshee. They were not in the mood to listen or to forgive……..
That ended my watching of any more spooky stuff for awhile. I think I should probably stick to celebrating Halloween by my usual method of creating some spectacular looking gingerbread cookies and gifting them to the neighbors. Yep, that’s a way better thing to do with my time…….